Local Man Starting to Regret Buying Andy Dalton Jersey

VILLA PARK, IL — 36-year-old Thomas Kowalski remembers exactly where he was the day that Bears social media tweeted out the now infamous Andy Dalton QB1 image.

“Yeah, I was scrolling on my lunch break at work. And I saw that post and thought ‘Alright, you know what I’m behind this guy. He had some good years, and he’s gotta be better than Mitch! Bear down!’ Little did I know, how much people fucking hated the dude.”

Tragically for this father of two, asphalt sales rep, and lifelong Bears fan, Thomas had the unique misfortune of being the only person on record who actually had a positive reaction to the well-documented social media blunder.

However, it wasn’t until later that evening that the tweet’s damage really began to take effect. “That night, after dinner and a few Miller Lite’s I said to myself ‘what the hell’, and I went online and purchased my brand new number 14 Andy Dalton jersey. After all, I figured I had some space in the closet after finally getting rid of my Foles, Trubisky, and Glennon gear. Those guys SUCKED!”

Against all odds, it wasn't until the past couple of weeks that Thomas started to realize the mistake he had made. “How was I supposed to know we supposed to actively root against him”, said Thomas after being questioned on whether he really thought Dalton would be any better than any Bears QB in recent memory. Even after the Bears moved up to select potential superstar Justin Fields in this year’s draft, Thomas somehow managed to navigate through his life in a state of blissful ignorance about his highly questionable NFL shop purchase.

“The thing is that Nagy said they had a plan. And that Dalton was their guy, and that they liked what he brought to the team. And hell, so did I! No one told me that this plan made no fucking sense!” Against all odds, it wasn’t until Thomas wore his prized, but cursed new threads to the Bears' first preseason game, that he began to have any doubts about his baffling purchase.

“No one wanted to sit next to me. No one high-fived me on either of Andy’s two completions, and I was booed when they showed me on the jumbotron. So at this point, I started to realize something wasn’t right.”

After the news of Thomas’ purchase got out, his life quickly began to fall apart. “My boss heard about what I did, and needless to say they let me go. I wasn’t invited to any of my normal fantasy football draft parties, and my relationship with my wife has been rocky, to say the least. She’s stuck with me, but doesn't quite look at me the same way”.

Today, Thomas says that he’s just hoping to get his life back on track by trying his hardest to put all this Dalton drama behind him and just root for Justin Fileds like everyone else. Currently, he’s looking into the NFL Shop’s return policy or if any local Goodwill’s would take the jersey off his hands (they won’t).